What the kids feel

I thought it would be difficult for the kids to adjust to a different lifestyle in India. They have visited every year for extended periods of time but have never lived here. To them, India was a place they visited every so often, met their grandparents, got pampered while mommy shopped till she dropped and then came back home. Most kids don’t travel very well but we have been blessed with kids who love to travel as much as we do so although the journey was long, it never bothered them or us.

When we first decided to move, my 7 year old was distraught. He just didn’t have any means to express his feelings. We didn’t figure it out until our friends threw a farewell party for us that he was really upset about moving and would miss his friends as much as we would miss ours. We had a circle of friends whose kids routinely had sleepovers at each other’s houses and played endlessly while the adults had their own parties and I never realized that my kids were forming bonds and friendships of their own.

The day of the farewell, we went over to a friend’s house for an after party with those folks and when we left, my son asked me if we would have a birthday party for him in India? When we said, of course we would, he asked if all his friends from Dallas would be there. We stopped a minute before answering and told him, they probably won’t be there but he would make new friends. Poor kid burst out crying and said he wanted his old friends to be there, not new friends. At that moment, I was pretty much feeling the same and there was nothing I could think of to say to him that would console him!

My kids are troopers, they let us move them across the world, stayed without me for months while I tried to sell the house in Dallas and didn’t complain once. They missed me more than anything but they didn’t give my in-laws or DH a hard time. They just waited for me to ship our stuff and take care of the house. Vivek went to an entirely new education system, with new subjects, teaching methodology, not to mention new attitudes from teachers and classmates but he figured out his own ways of dealing with it. When kids teased him about his “British” accent, he put on a fake “Indian” accent which sounds like something out of Madagascar. No amount of pep talk would make him revert back to his original accent! He wasn’t upset about the teasing, he just hated the fact that they didn’t know it was an “American” accent, not a “British” one! More on the school later…

When we first decided to sell the house, it broke my son’s heart. We had told him that we were only moving temporarily (which is true although temporary is about 4 years long) so when we told him that we had decided to sell the house and not rent it out, he was very upset. The first thing he said was, but if you sell the house, where will we live when we go back??? We told him we would buy a new house but he didn’t like the idea. After a while he decided he better get used to it but he still doesn’t like it. Even my 3 year old recognizes the house in pictures and tells me, that is his house. He keeps asking me when we will go back to Dallas.

I realized today that with me being away, they thought this was all temporary and when mommy returns things will go back to normal and they would go back to Dallas and their regular life. This morning my 3 year old asked me when we were going back! I told him we weren’t going any time soon. I asked him why he wanted to go back, he said because his house was in Dallas. I told him, well this was our house now and since all of our stuff from Dallas was already here, there really was no need to go back. He immediately said, but we can always get new stuff in Dallas or ship our stuff back! That is when I realized that even my 3 year old misses Dallas and his life over there.

Vivek would call my friends’ kids and talk to them on the phone, want them to play with him on the phone, all because he missed them. Nakul talks about his old babysitter and some of the friends he does remember. He saw pictures of the house and immediately pointed out the front door, his room, the garden and the garage! He even remembered that he used to play on the cul-de-sac with the neighbors.

Until yesterday, I was getting adjusted very well but after having this conversation with Nakul, I realized how stressful this has been for them as well. Moving across the world is not easy but we assumed that since the kids were young, they would adjust easily. I realized today that it is as difficult for them as anybody. In fact, it is probably worse because they can’t really express themselves very clearly except in the little ways that mine are trying.

It has been almost a month since I came here and until today I was only seeing the positive side of things. Somehow today the last one month feels like ages and I wish I could take all the stress we put the kids through back. I was talking to a friend today and mentioned how the kids were reacting. I couldn’t help but want to scream out that today it feels like ages even though it’s barely been a month and I practically wished I could go back if it would erase all the stress my poor babies had to go through.

They are adjusting pretty well, Vivek loves his school now, has made new friends, his teachers have great things to say about him and he is feeling more like himself now that I am back. Nakul is having a blast watching a lot of Diego on TV every day and not having to go to daycare during the day. They do remember that mommy used to work and they had to be at day care and I think they like this better but in their own way, they miss their old life and when they express that in their own little ways, it breaks my heart!